walking on the earth without harming

This business of walking on the earth without harming other beings has become exceedingly difficult in this age of speedy transportation, factory farms and high tech warfare. Back in the old days nature may have been red in tooth and claw but at least the jaguar was only killing as many impalas as it could eat. Today, who knows how many of God's creatures are cruelly killed for the lust of tasty morsels in a dish; how may people are killed for lack of diplomacy skills or out of greed for their land and resources, or through neglect because of bad health care policies by governments.

I am in a particularly sad mood today due to my own moral bankruptcy. Forgive me, I can't forgive myself. Last night I was at a dinner party where "all the right people" had been invited. However this particular group or adult, highly educated, professional people have repeatedly shown their disdain for vegetarianism and indeed their disrepect for those who practice it. The old principle of "shunning" in all its sordidness is not too strong a term to use.

Anyway, I ate before going to avoid temptation by factory farm meat (I am not a vegetarian but rather eat sparingly of free range/organic/humanely raised meat.) Yet what happened? Overcome with lust at seeing ribs and souvlaki, I ate some anyway.
Knowing I would feel very guilty and defiled, I took some anyway. I was as shameless as a sex addict in a Bombay brothel.  And today I feel like s*** both morally and physically.  I just couldn't face the snide comments of these "beautiful people" even when the hostess screamed at her dogs over nothing at all. Over them wanting to be with her and her company.

I know that part of the solution would be to just go back to being a veggie ( I was one for 4+ years) and then I have a convenient out at these functions "Oh, no thanks, I don't eat meat."  But the path of eating meat righteously because the Creator has given us the four legs in part to sustain us, if treated with love and respect, this provides me with much more occasion to sin  - as our catholic brethren put it.   Yet I think this (conscious meat eating) may help the factory farm animals more. If the creature can have a great life cared for by loving people whorespect the earth and the old ways of honoring the spirit of a creature, of kililng it without pain and fear,  then the reality of the fact that many people are unwilling to become vegetarians or vegans, is addressed.  But ther eis no easy answer. Even the vegan must kill plants to live. The fruitarian who lives by the fruits of plants is perhaps the soundest moral path, yet can all do that?

Anyway, I am introspective and shamed today by my own moral weakness. Pray that I develop a spine and  some courage in the face of the "Social Elite."  These are not my friends, but they are my husband's friends and their good will means a lot to him.....

Calm Eagle is ashamed of herself today. I'm crying while I type this........

"Animals are considered to be sacred in the Native American Medicine Path. The creature beings are deities in disguise. They have much to teach us. Each of their qualities, each of their characteristics is an energy that, when observed, holds a powerful message that can be used to advance human consciousness.
For this reason, we have always chosen to live side-by-side with our fellow beings, the animals; only taking them as food when absolutely necessary, and only after praying for the privilege of taking their flesh for our own sustenance. Animals are our relations."

                                  From The Medicine Wheel By Spandayoga


If anybody has any advice arising from a simlar situation, I'd love to here it. I kno wI'm being hard on myself, but since most people don't think it's a big deal, there's no one to be hard on me but me.......and you kind zaadsters.....please, speak a word of wisdom if you have one...

Namaste~

CalmEagle the Fallen